The Caring Game

I want to write about my father and the shift in the caring dynamic of the relationship.

We all know that the first couple of years of child life, the child is the one cared-for, and I have to say that my parent excelled in the parenting job, whether they did it out of love, duty, or responsibility. I’ve had a nourishing and warm childhood. Until I was 16 years old, and my father got detained, for one year, he was not close taking care of me, my mother and sister, I think him being away was the first factor that changed the typical parent-child caring relationship, I started to be the one who must care for how he feels, how he is doing, what needs he has.

Moving forward to when we had to leave Syria, meaning we had to start from below zero somewhere new, that speaks another language and had a different social structure. My sister and I found jobs easier, and faster than my parents, and here was the second and strongest factor that changed my relationship with my father from being cared for to be caring for.

I believe it was hard on both of us, for him it was challenging for his masculinity, for the gender roles that society impose on men of being the breadwinners of the family, it also challenged the power dynamics, because clearly, the one with the financial independency was in control.
I can’t describe my relationship with my father as close or tender, thus when I question why I am caring for him even though we barely speak or see each other, I find I am morally obligated by family code, and it’s my duty to give back to my parent a part of what they had to sacrifice for their children (since I view having children is a sacrifice when done in an uninformed way and blindly like in our society).